Living each day

"How we spend our days is how we spend our lives," writes Annie Dillard. I have this motto posted in my home in not one, but two, rooms. Time moves so fast, and it's easy to let so many opportunities escape because we didn't simply do anything about them. Mañana, mañana - tomorrow, tomorrow…. Of course, we Americans are so activity-driven that it is difficult to make out that slender line that separates a full life from a life which is simply too busy.

I tend to drive myself hard. I come down hard on myself for not accomplishing more, even though I face very real physical limitations. I am my own worst castigator. In a sense, I should not even have this Annie Dillard quote on my walls (in two rooms, no less!) since a sense of urgency is not always a good thing. Sometimes a different approach is required.

Here's a quote that illustrates one part of what I mean:

"It is not what happens to us in any day that gives content to our lives, but whether or not we let its experience sink into us. …It is one of the highest powers given to anyone. In reflection I come upon feelings that I had been too afraid to experience in the moment. In the quiet of reflection I take the risk and the time to let censored thoughts as well as feelings into consciousness, to discover what is causing the uneasiness in me." - Elizabeth O'Connor, from Cry Pain, Cry Hope

Or, as Diane Ackerman is recorded as saying:

"I don't want to come to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well."

It all seems to come back to this idea of Consciousness. I think we have Jung and his successors to thank for this idea. Perhaps Freud got there first (?), but Carl Jung expanded the idea of what we now call personal growth and integration to include not just individual egos, but the entire human race and its relationship with God. If all these ruminations on personal growth seem self-centered, that observation has merit. But when you truly get your own house in order, you discover that you are part of a community of souls, if you will. You learn to help others get their own houses in order. At some point you become aware of the need for our World to have its house in order, and it can't accomplish that alone. At least that's what I believe.

The winter holidays just came and went. It's a complicated time of year for many people, whatever their faith or tradition. Here's what I wrote to a friend shortly before Christmas:

"I want to hear about the wonder and mystery of a vulnerable child coming into this world to change it irrevocably. I enjoy the excitement of the children; the extra time spent together with loved ones, be they family or friends. But I think, too, about the negative things - the pain of poverty at this particular time of year; dysfunctional families living out their psychodramas in reunions (or in estrangement) year after year; people in mourning; people who scared or lonely. And all the other human miseries.

"Evil with a capital "E" - can Christmas truly bear up under so much pressure? Pressure to live up to the mythic, sometimes real, Holiday Cheer while also bearing on its shoulders all the deprivation and depravity? Can it really? I want to believe it."

My friend replied:

"I share, I think, every difficulty you mention. The depth and scope of human depravity is simply unspeakable and unimaginable. I'm reading [an author] who mentions that all the natural disaster that have befallen humanity are by far eclipsed by the cruelty which human beings inflict upon one another. Christmas cannot simply overturn this burden. It is, I hope, God's foothold in the world, the beginning of the undoing of death and evil. But as yet the world is still very deeply disturbed. That is why--and I am not concerned about absolutely literalism here--Christians (like Jews) are still waiting. We await for the end of time, the fulfillment of God's righteousness, which, in the meantime, it is our task, under God's grace and protection, to implement by whatever small degree. Evil horrible and burdensome and crushing. But it cannot quench love--so I hope and believe."

Our conversation was a bit grim - Christians usually leave such subjects for Lent. But I include it to make a point: So much human misery is accomplished by people with little or no consciousness. Conscience comes into play, too, but here I do mean consciousness. People who are unaware - psychospiritually unconscious - hurt themselves and those around them without even realizing that, firstly, they are actively participating in a misery of universal proportions; and, secondly, they have a choice.

Each day, we each have a choice to live a life with reflection or with fear. Reflection means looking carefully at our actions, thoughts, and feelings despite the fear of what we may find - or what we may not find, despite our fondest hopes. Living a reflective life brings about personal growth, and personal growth, by dint of the interconnectedness of all our lives, leads to larger and larger circles of healthy living. One person's personal growth is one more foothold for God as God seeks to express Love and spread enlightenment in the world.

So one need not write the Great American Novel or create the next amazing space telescope (now that the Hubble is winding down) to change the lives of great numbers of people. One can simply to tend to one's well-being, and a better world will be the result.

But the catch in all this? Don't forget to be aware of one's conceit in thinking that you, personally, are playing a huge role. Try to hold that dichotomy in balance - living a more conscious life because not only will it make you happier, it will also help move humankind along; at the same time, relinquishing this grandiosity as a necessary step toward true consciousness.

There really are people who change the world quite directly in a famous way. Maybe you are, in fact, the next Big Thing! I won't try to stop you. But authentic, lasting, positive leadership comes from those who live a reflective, conscious life.

So: Take a risk and so take some quiet time each day to reflect. It's a scary proposition, but within it you will find a way to gently push fear aside, even if only for that hour. Make a habit of reflection, and fear will learn to stand aside whenever the circumstances call for action.

Easy for me to say, harder for me to prove. But I try, too, and have seen other people firsthand who have had their lives transformed by such advice. It may sound like I'm reneging on my promise in the previous post about "secrets" versus "mystery," but I'm not. There are plenty of "recipes" for attaining peace of mind or enlightenment or consciousness…. But the Mystery is that God, or whatever you wish to call that universal being or energy, responds quickly each time you step aside and reflect. You just gave God another foothold, and believe me, God takes it. What a beautiful way to make use of one's day!